Review: Unloveable by Darren Hayes

Trigger Warnings: Discussions of domestic violence, homophobia and bullying.

Special request: This memoir is incredibly raw and candid. As such, I ask that no one tags the author in the review on social media or anywhere else online. (I'm not trying to start anything here, I just don't want someone to feel forced to see or read what is, essentially, an unsolicited review of a deeply personal work.) 

Darren Hayes memoir may be called Unloveable (the title is taken from one of his most powerful songs) but at its heart is a testimony to the beauty and the power of the love of his mother, Judy, to whom the book is dedicated. Growing up in the rough outer suburbs of Brisbane, Darren Hayes was a kid with a big imagination who was deeply loved by his mum and his older sister, Tracey. He dreamed of being a pop star, worked at the coolest indie record store in town and eventually went on to sell something along the lines of thirty million albums as the front man of Savage Garden--an Australian band that had number one hits across the globe, including two number one hits in the United States. He sang onstage with Pavarotti. He then went on to have a respectable solo career, continuing to sell out venues and releasing an impressive five albums. (Six if you count his side project, We Are Smug.) Unbeknownst to the public who loved his music--and the media who focused on how Savage Garden and Darren Hayes were a true success story--he was hiding a dark secret. It was a secret that could only be hinted at through songs like Two Beds and a Coffee Machine and Crash and Burn. His father was a violent alcoholic who would beat and threaten his wife, his children and the few people who did their best to protect them. And through it all, his mum did her best to protect Darren and his siblings, just as they tried to protect her.

Unloveable is an incredibly raw and compelling memoir. I found it tough going at times, in particular the descriptions of the violence and manipulation experienced in the family home. I had to put it down on occasions to breathe and gather my thoughts, and remind myself that this, this, is testimony to how we never know what someone else is going through--after all, here was the hero whose songs who'd helped me survive the worst parts of high school and it turned out that his childhood had some truly dark moments. School was not easy for him and teachers were often complicit in the bullying he experienced--or in one instance where he was called names an punished for helping a friend style her hair--they were the bullies. There is also a lot of discussion on the author's sexuality--of how he tried to navigate that when people kept trying to tell him who he was--often cruelly--before he had a chance to know who he was. Fortunately, this is also another part of the memoir that is testimony to love--that of his wife Colby who loved him enough to let him go and discover who he was. (She sounds like such a lovely person.) And obviously there is a lot about Savage Garden. He depicts his bandmate Daniel Jones as a cool and distant person who pulled the rug out from under him when the band was at the peak of their success. He is also honest about his time in therapy, the ending of his second marriage and his family history of depression. Obviously, these are tough topics, but they are handled with honesty and class. Hayes writes very well. I've also had a feeling that Unloveable could very easily go viral on BookTok. (Time will tell, I suppose.)

This was an incredible insight into the life of a unique and much loved Australian musician. Hayes has the courage to be vulnerable as he confides in the reader his life story. Although tough going Unloveable is a book that I am most definitely grateful to have read and not because I was looking for the inside story of a band that I was obsessed with when I was in my teens. It is an insight into domestic violence, sexuality, depression and a sage reminder that we don't know what might be going on in another person's life. And, as I said at the start of the review, it is also testimony to the powerful love that his mother had for her children.

Highly recommended.  

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