Kathryn's Inbox Exclusive: Restaurant Critic Admits Review May Have Been a Bit Harsh

NOWHERESVILLE, AUSTRALIA--TweetyTuff, a self-appointed food critic who posts semi-anonymous restaurant reviews online had admitted to one of our reporters that her one-star review of Bob's Takeaway Restaurant may have been, 'a bit harsh.' In her review, which was shared on Whelp, a site where any member of the public is invited to review local businesses, TweetyTuff gave a scathing rundown of the food and service, that allegedly left 'a bad taste in my mouth.' 

"I didn't realise that the restaurant concerned was actually a local take-away joint," TweetyTuff explained. "I was expecting a sit down meal and I thought that the people who worked there were just being rude when they wrapped my fish and chips in newspaper and then expected me to walk to the counter to collect them. And when I asked for cutlery, they just pointed at a tray that was loaded with plastic knives and forks. So, naturally, I felt that I had no choice but to write four thousand words telling them that their chips tasted like they had been soaked in garbage and make insulting comments about the physical characteristics of the people who worked there. I admit, the girl who served me did not weight two hundred thousand kilograms and nor was she covered in some unknown rash. I didn't see her pick any scabs from her arms, either." 

When questioned further, TweetyTuff admitted that she was, in fact, aware that Emily Arnold, 14, the daughter of the business owners, was a fashion model who has appeared in Aphrodite magazine and that Emily was, in fact, one of her classmates. "I guess I am a bit jealous," TweetyTuff sighs. "But she's still a bitch and deserves at least some of what I said."

When probed further, TweetyTuff admitted that the chips tasted quite pleasant and that she had not seen anyone throw any rats, shoes or a live and frightened kelpie puppy into the deep fryer and that those comments may have been, "a bit harsh." Her parents, meanwhile, told a very different version of what happened during the family trip to the local takeaway joint. "I don't understand where all this criticism came from," her mother states. "Our daughter knows that it wasn't a sit down restaurant. And she spent most of the visit sitting on a plastic chair, fiddling with her mobile phone and sighing loudly every time that my husband tried to sing along to the song that was playing on the radio." TweetyTuff's father adds that his daughter was not even the one to collect the newspaper wrapped package from the counter and that she had complained bitterly when she was asked to balance it on her lap for the trip home. "Then again," he adds with a sigh, "She can be a bit of a brat sometimes ..."

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Peppermint Patty: I Cried and Cried and Cried

Image
Unrequited love is a common theme in the Peanuts Comics and is one that I have previously explored on this blog. We know that Lucy loves Schroeder, Sally loves Linus and Charlie Brown has a crush on the unseen, unnamed and utterly unattainable Little Redhaired Girl. But perhaps the saddest unrequited love stories from the comic is that which ran in late June 1972. It was the series of strips where the usually self-confident Peppermint Patty came face-to-face with the Little Redhaired Girl with the intention of thumping her and then something surprising happened: Here we have a usually self-confident girl, who is funny, unashamedly herself and talented at sports reduced to tears by the realisation of who she is not and never can be. I really feel for her in this series of comic strips. She knows that Charlie Brown can never love her, when he is so hung up over a girl who represents a supposedly ideal feminine beauty. Fortunately Linus, the most spiritual member of the Pean...
Read more

Charlie Brown, Lucy Van Pelt and the Football

Image
One of the longest, and arguably, most infuriating, running gags in Charles Schulz's otherwise brilliant Peanuts comic strip, is where Lucy promises to hold a football for Charlie Brown and then pulls it away at the last minute, causing Charlie Brown to fall flat on his back. A typical strip looks like this: Source: Go Comics The gag is one of the darker themes in the strip. It works on the concept that every year, Lucy promises to hold a football for Charlie Brown. Every year, Charlie Brown is initially filled with doubt but is eventually pushed on by a kind of optimism that perhaps, this time, Lucy might just let him kick it after all. As a metaphor for life, it is pretty simple. It talks of the moments when we choose to put our trust in people who have let us down only to be taken by surprise when they let us down, again. Lucy is, arguably, one of the crueller characters in the comic. Described as crabby by the other characters, she is often selfish, takes delight in wilfully hu...
Read more

Phrases and Idioms: Tickets on Himself

To have tickets on himself: (Australian slang.) To be conceited or vain. To have an overinflated opinion of oneself.  He's got tickets on himself if he thinks that any woman would fall for that. I was thinking about this particular bit of Australian slang the other day, after my boss said, "He's got tickets on himself," to describe the actions of a particular individual. At the time, I smiled, knowing exactly what the boss meant. Later on, I started to ponder on this unusual phrase and wondered where it might have come from. A search on google helped me find the definition, but that was about all. There are no references to it being used in pop culture or literature (if you find one, let me know,) and at the time of writing this post, Tickets on Himself was not listed on Urban Dictionary. (I tried to add it, but the fuckers rejected my definition. They probably think I have tickets on myself or something for trying to add a relatively common piece of A...
Read more